Suggestions for Visiting Persons

1. If therapeutic contact is ordered by the court, a session or sessions will assist you and the child to gain an understanding regarding the court's decision to require supervision. The child will be encouraged to discuss his or her understanding of the reason for the therapeutic contact and anything else which is on the child's mind. The supervisor of the session will state to the child that you will listen whether you agree or not with some or all of what the child alleges. If the child has made allegations of abuse or maltreatment and you dispute them, you are asked only to listen to the child, if he or she brings them up. This is not a fact-finding session. It is not expected that you agree to any allegations you dispute, yet you are not to dispute them with the child or in front of the child.

2. These visits are for the benefit of the you and the child. The monitor is to assist to make the visit safe and pleasant. Please be on time. Call __________________ , the monitor, at __________ (tel. no.) if you will have to miss a visit. Please call 24 hours in advance. This will provide the monitor adequate notice and the child will not be disappointed at the last minute. The visits will occur on a regularly scheduled basis, unless otherwise ordered. Except in extraordinary circumstances, canceled visits will not be rescheduled.

3. Encourage the child with statements such as, "You did a good job." "Wow, you are learning new things." "Great." "I am proud of you." "You are taking turns nicely."

4. You may want to bring toys with which the child likes to play. Bring toys which will evoke positive memories, no toys which remind the child of any hurtful situations. Remember to take them home with you. No gifts, money, food or cards are allowed if there are allegations of abuse, without approval of the court, the child's therapist, or a protective services worker. Plan some games or activities which the child will enjoy doing with you.

5. Keep a positive attitude. The conversation should be as upbeat as possible. Children should not worry about their parents' problems.

6. Be open to any feelings your child may share with you. If the child says " You make me angry," you can reply, "I am sorry I do that." If the child says, "I hate you," you can say, "I am sorry you hate me." While you may want to contradict the child, try not to as this stops all communication.

If you do not know what to say when the child expresses a feeling, you can repeat the feeling back. If the child says "you make me angry," you can say "I make you angry." If the child says, "I hate you," you can say "you hate me." What is important is the tone of voice. You repeat the feeling in a thoughtful manner which does not deny the feelings the child is expressing.

If you want to encourage the child to tell you more about the feeling you can say, "I make you angry?" or "How do I make you angry?" In reply to "I hate you," you can say "You hate me?" or "What do I do that makes you hate me?" These statements should be said in a calm and interested manner which encourages the child to talk about the feeling.

7. Be sensitive to the child's needs and feelings. Children like it when an adult picks up on their feelings. If the child looks scared, you can say "Are you feeling scared?" If the child is not interested in the current activity you can say, "Is there something else you would rather do?"

8. Be supportive of the person taking care of your child. At the end of the visit say, "Have a good time with ___________. I will see you in ___ days.

9. Follow the GUIDELINES FOR VISITING PERSONS so that the visit will proceed without any interruptions and everyone will be comfortable.

10. If you feel uncomfortable with any behaviors or guidelines of the monitor, please talk to the monitor before or after the visit, not in front of the child or person transporting the child.