Suggestions for the Monitor
It is best to meet with the visiting party prior to the day of the first visit to discuss the GUIDELINES FOR MONITORED VISITS.  Be explicit and detailed in your instructions about the guidelines.  Ask the visiting party to sign the GUIDELINES FOR MONITORED VISITS.  If the visitor refuses, ask to which of the guidelines he or she objects.  Try to understand the objections.  If the majority of the guidelines are acceptable and the monitor believes the visit can be safe for the child, check the guidelines agreed upon, and have them signed.  If you doubt for the safety and well-being of the child, call the person or agency who requested monitoring and ask for guidance about how to proceed.

Assure that you are always within sight and hearing of the persons supervised.  If you do not believe supervision of the visits is necessary, be cautious this does not lead you to neglect the responsibility given to you by the court.  Monitored visits would not have been ordered if they were not  necessary.

Encourage positive interactions between the child and visiting party.  The visit is to enhance the relationship between the visiting party and child.

If the parent has problems controlling the child's behavior or setting limits, assist the parent.  Every attempt should be made not to embarrass the parent in front of the child.  Some instruction may need to be given to the visiting party after the visit.

Be aware of visiting person trying to bribe the child with gifts or special things promised in the future.

Be aware of subtle and not so subtle messages which may confuse the child.  "Mommy loves good children."  "Children who go to church don't lie."  "The Bible says "Love thy mother and father."  "Remember the time I took you to Disneyland,  would you like me to do that again?"

Be aware of signals to child which may be reminiscent of things from past interactions which told the child how to act.  A nod of the head, finger pointing, winking, staring, glaring, body posture, etc.

If the monitor sees undue discomfort in the child during the visit which is not decreasing, the monitor can take the child aside and try to determine any needs the child has.  If the anxiety continues and the monitor determines it is in the best interest of the child to stop the visit, this can be done.

If the visiting party will not conform to the guidelines, the visit can be terminated.  Before stopping the visit give a clear message about what the visitor needs to stop or change.  If after being warned the visitor will not stop, terminate the visit.  Tell the child that the monitor and "visiting party will work together to make future visits work better but for now this visit will end."  Document the behaviors and your warnings which lead to the visit being terminated.

Write a behavioral summary of each visit.  Be unbiased and objective.  Do not draw conclusions  unless they come directly from a balanced view of your behavioral observations.  Look for positive  as well as problematic behaviors.

Be aware of any negative feelings you have toward having the visit, the visitor, or the child which might impede your ability to be objective.  Do not let your feelings get in the way of positive interactions between the visitor and the child.  Your attitude can color the visit for all parties and color what you see and report.

Try to be aware of any cultural issues which may influence the visit.

toni@tcavjohn.com

This page last updated on March 17, 2003