Suggestions
for Children on Monitored Visits
Prior to the first visit, children should be told about the Guidelines for Visiting Party.
It is important that they know there are rules which the visiting party
must follow and that it is the job of the monitor to assure that this
happens in order to keep everyone safe. How extensively the rules are
described will depend on the developmental level of the child/ren.
If the child is apprehensive about the monitored visit,
a plan can be made with the child to help decrease the anxiety.
(The
plan can be made by the social worker and/or the therapist in
conjunction
with the monitor.) The child can be an active participant in
order
to make the visit as comfortable as possible. The plan can
include
any or all of the following:
- The location of the visit.
- Where everyone will sit during the visit.
For
instance,
the child may want to be near the door or have the visitor across the
room.
- What type of physical contact the child wants
or
does not
want during the visit.
- If there are certain people the child would
like or
not like
at the visit. (This needs to be preapproved by the social worker,
therapist and/or court depending on the courtâs order.)
- Hand signals which the child can use to
indicate a
need for
help from the monitor.
- If there are things the child does not want the
alleged perpetrator
to bring up during the visit.
- Whether there are certain things the child
wants to
talk
about with the alleged offender. If the child can't decide what
he
or she wants to say before the visit, the child can tell the monitor
during
the visit.
- Whether the child wants a therapist or DCFS
worker
to assist
him or her to talk about the allegations with the alleged perpetrator
prior
to or during the monitored visit. (If the alleged perpetrator
denies
the child's allegations, he or she can be told the child wants to talk
about allegations. The alleged perpetrator is not to deny the
allegations
nor does the alleged perpetrator need to acknowledge them.)
If the child has alleged abuse or neglect and will have
visits
with the alleged perpetrator, it is very helpful for the child to be
able
to talk openly during the visit about the allegations or for the person
monitoring the visit to openly state that the reason for the monitored
visits is because of the allegations. Often there is no
discussion
with the child about why there are to be visits after the child's
allegations
of abuse or after a period of separation from the alleged
perpetrator.
Likewise there is no mention of the allegations between the child and
the
alleged perpetrator. Never mentioning the allegations can lead to
the child feeling unsupported or not believed, assuming that nothing
really
happens to someone who does bad things, and/or a belief that after a
child
is hurt, it is not to be discussed openly again. This can lead to
behavior such as is sometimes seen in battered women who go back into
abusive
situations without any resolution of the abuse.
After the visits the child can tell the monitor how
the
visit went and if any changes need be made for future visits.
This page last updated on March 17, 2003